in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
