Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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