I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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