i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She's the barista slut.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
