Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
