you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
