I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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