Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
