Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I need a beard to bite.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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