eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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