How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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