the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
