oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Randomize
