Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
