you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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