Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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