dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
