She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
