so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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