I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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