yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
