No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
