bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
