Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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