i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
