I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
