Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Girls should come with a carfax report
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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