My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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