she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
