it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
