i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
