Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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