okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
