none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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