In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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