the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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