You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
