6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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