we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
