I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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