A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
