Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
