It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
