this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
