I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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