And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
