I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
