I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Randomize
