I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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