i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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