It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Are we still banned from the library?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
