Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
