how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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